Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
