he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
