Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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