my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
