There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
