She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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