Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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