First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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