Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
