I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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