That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
