he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
