Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
