it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
