It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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