Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
