just come out here and I will go home with you...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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