careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
