her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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