So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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