why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
