I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
