he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
