Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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