i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
