I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
40s are totally the cure
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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