I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
