My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
