I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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