i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
