i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
