Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
