Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
