It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
