You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
