There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
