pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
