Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
