Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
