Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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