Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
