The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I just went to clothing optional bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
