I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
