Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
