Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
