She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
