There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
