Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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