How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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