I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
