Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
