"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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