you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize