If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
