he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
