I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
