I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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