I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
