party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
