Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
