U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize