well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
