I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize