wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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