dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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