I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
