Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
