omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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