He is such a slut. More and more my type.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
