Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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