In the future we'll all be gay
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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