mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
