Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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