But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Randomize
